Fear of commitment

Whenever I enter a pool, I go through the kiddies section first. There I can enter slowly. First putting my foot in, and then taking small steps, slowly getting my shins wet, water up to my knee. The mid region is always painful, but the part that is always most difficult for me to stick in the water fast, is my chest. My ribcage with my heart inside, really struggle with the cold water. Or maybe they have a hard time with the different temperatures felt by the body. Of course if I jumped, it’d be more painful initially, but easier in the long run.

My grandmother has two jokes which she likes. One of them is very polish about a thirsty guy in a train. Its actually funny.

I will not tell it.

The second one talks about a horse in London during world war II. A boy and his father walk down the street when they see that the horse is standing with two feet on the street, and two feet on the sidewalk. When the boy asks his father what the horse is doing, the father remarks – he is thinking about what England will do next.
Half a foot here, half a foot there. Torn between this and that. Not sure how to decide. Slowly picking up a foot leaving it in the air while the others form a base. maintaining a commitment to more than one thing, and hence to none.


Is it time to jump?